Iron Man: Sometimes I just can’t decide what annoys me most about creeps like you. Your immodesty… or your incompetence!
Tony: Care for a drink?
Pithins: But it’s only 9:30, sir. Isn’t that a bit early…?
Tony: It’s half past-midnight in Somalia, Pithins. Use your imagination.
Tony (thinking): It’s no good. Can’t concentrate, my nerves are frazzled rougher than Ben Grimm’s cigar butt!
*Tony is drinking Brandy-laced Coffee
Tony: God, my head’s splitting! What I need is a little pick-me-up. Funny, I never even used to think about booze this early. But with Whitney leaving me, Sheild trying to take over my company and a murder rap dropped square on my shoulders --- well, I guess worrying just makes a man thirsty.
*Tony is driving a purple-red Mazda RX-7
Scott Lang (Ant-Man): I’d give my left pinky for an ice-cold Ginger beer!
Tony: How’s about if I buy you a six-pack, Scott? No one ever said that Tony Stark doesn’t reward overtime!
Scott Lang: Hey Mr. Stark! Good to see ya!
Scott Lang (Ant-Man): Agent Lang reporting, Mr. General Stark, sir! Mission accomplished! The world is once again safe for Mom, apple pie and the bimbo next door!
Tony: Cute, Scott. Real cute.
Tony: Backlash said that Hammer’s villa was somewhere near Monaco, but he didn’t know the exact location. He was always blindfolded before being flown there.
Rhodes: Well, you’re the jet setter, compadre. Why don’t you call Princess Grace and ask for directions?
Rhodes: Uh, hey, Boss, I was just kiddin’, y’know? Boss…
(Next panel, Tony is on the phone)
French Hammer Thug: You weel die, you gravy-sucking peeg!
Rhodes: Sorry, Pierre, but I can’t let you do that to the dude who signs my checks!
Rhodes: They took my boss, Tony Stark! The Tony Stark!
French Policemen: Of course, m’sieu. And my employer is Jacques Cousteau, now come along.
(Pink Panther joke for those who don’t get it)
*Tony is drinking dark whiskey sours
Hammer: I do apologize for the discourteous treatment you suffered at the hands of my menials. Refined help is so hard to find these days.
Tony: Uh-huh and you are, I assume…?
Hammer: Yes, I am afraid I am. Justin Hammer, at your service.
Tony: Listen, hawkbill I don’t want service --- I want information! Like what the bloody blazes you did to Iron Man!
(For all of you movie people, comicverse Hammer has a nose that is a bit on the big side, thus Tony’s hawkbill dig)
Tony: I’d like to know if this guard here knows what a clavicle is.
Hammer Guard: Huh? Well, uh… no.
[Tony strikes the man]
Tony: Surprise! It’s what I just broke!
Hammer Guard: Agghh!
Hammer: Take Mr. Stark to his quarters and make him comfortable. I’m sure he’ll adjust eventually.
Tony: You’d better put some salt on those words, Hammer! Because pretty soon, you’re going to eat them!
Tony: Uh, excuse me? Room service?
Hammer Guard: Huh?
Tony: Sal, pal, there seems to be a conspicuous absence of the ol’hooch around here. Any chance of getting a fif of Gilbey’s and some olives sent up? I tip real well…
Hammer Guard: Sorry, Max, the Boss’ info network says you been hittin’ the sauce too hard lately, an’ Mr. Hammer wants you sober. There’s a jug o’water on the table, though. Try that fish.
Tony: Blast! If there’s one thing I hate worse than a dumb flunky, it’s a dumb uncouth flunky!